“To be violated is perhaps a need in women…a secret erotic need,” says Anais Nin.

To be loved is a mysterious thing, even under the best of circumstances. And it does not help much to try and inquire about love; if anything, asking about it muddles the situation further.

At best, the other person cannot tell you why he loves you; at worst, his reason for loving you turns out to be something about yourself you have never thought to be particularly lovable.

Watzlawick’s tongue-in-cheek suggestion was, do not simply and gratefully accept what life offers you by way of your partner’s affection. Ponder. Ask yourself — but not him — why he is fond of you. For he must have a vested interest or some other selfish reason that he is not likely to reveal to you.

Such as — to maintain the illusion that he’s still got possibilities life can offer … there’s still an “Other” way, an “Other” person, an “Other” life…few people can bear staring life at its bare, naked face.

The Hendricks say close relationship is the short path to revealing and sustaining essence. I never feel more alive than when I’m in an intimate relationship with another human being.

With Z, what felt like conflict initially often turned out to be the relationship trying to deepen. We’re moving closer to and further away from each other simultaneously.